Posts
I imagine that most folks in my life wouldn't describe me as fearful. But I think that ever since I started this job, I have been more fearful that I would like to be. I am not afraid of going into a fire, being a good parent or being loved. But I am very afraid of other things...Fearful of being noticed. Fearful of being found out, pointed out and dismissed. Fearful of not being able to take care of my family. Fearful that I somehow won't meet my own expectations for how I should live my life. I am fearful that I won't do things to the fullest and that I will just somehow not be fully me.
Lately I have gotten fed up with fear. I have decided to just live this year like I am fearless and see what happens. Maybe the world will end. I might make some big mistakes. I might screw things up. I might even fail miserably. But I might not...
But I am ready to move on and see what I can make of myself in this world. Go BIG! Maybe I would be a good Lieutenant. Maybe we could have a nicer home. Maybe moving wouldn't be the end of me. Maybe there is so much more out there for me that could be an adventure and exciting. I am not necessarily keeping myself (or my family) safe by not finding out.
4 comments:
You go girl!!!
geez, bear....no wonder you were a small bear last night. i could have read your blog last night and supported you more...i love you and all that you are striving for - the lt job and the house...joan of arc was always your hero - go forth as she did....
i think you will be an amazing lieutenant! think of the example you will set for another probie one day when she finds herself in the shoes you were in 14 years ago... go for it! i say act as if you're fearless until you start to really believe yourself! :)
You can do this. You'll be a terrific Lieutenant. And you'll be giving back to the next generation of fearless ones :-)
Post a Comment