Random thoughts

I am not posting as much as I used to, which I could easily blame on the hectic pace which I have been maintaining lately. But instead, I thought I might just write a bit and see where it goes...

Michie goes back to work on Monday. She is nervious since she is still tired and wanting to nap a lot. I think that it will be good for her to get out of the house and reclaim her role as an inspector. She is good at her job and the challenge will be good for her spirits. Breast Cancer has been a strange detour for us. I was looking at some photos us and her parents at radiation the other day. Radiation seems like it was so long ago. It feels like a different lifetime even though we are less than 3 weeks done. At one point it is all you think about and in the next moment it is done and over.

Max is just...well Max. I always say that, but my kid is very smooth and stable. I would like to claim credit for that status, but he just came out that way. Max is maturing quickly and simultaneously remaining small these days. He is independent and strong willed. He is cuddly and happiest with his Moms by his side. Lately I have been getting sucked into the computer too much which isn't good for any of us. Michie has been complaining that we are doing too much parallel play and she is right. Time to turn off the box (when I am around my family) and to focus on just being with those I love.

I am settling into the new job and slowly hitting my stride with being a Lieutenant. I know that being a true Lt. takes more time than just 6 watches, but I am starting to envision how I want to be with the crew. Fortunately I am blessed with a great people, so that on any given day there isn't too much to manage.

Life continues...thanksgiving, christmas, and then into a new year... Who knows what will come, but having coming through '08 I am no longer afraid of what life can and will throw at me.

A message...

Unsettled

I should be settled. Life is finally moving back into a recognizable pattern. I should feel calm and secure, but I don't. I am scattered and nervious and not so sure of myself. I swing between euphoria and melancholy. I move between feeling accomplished and under the gun to get more done.

For myself, part the adjustment is due to both returning to work and becoming an officer. I know that first is easy but the later is disorienting even when it is going well. Part if it is that we are done with radiation, but Michie is feeling its affects even more now then when she was under treatment. I am done moving, but still have boxes hidden in corner of the house to deal with. I am done selling our former home but still having to coordinate refinancing our current mortgage to make our finances manageable.

I know how lucky we are but I am also aware that life has changed for us. Everything that was planned came true and everything that wasn't planned came true as well. I now live with this knowledge that my wife had cancer. It is uncomfortable for both of us...this knowledge. It is disorienting to know how lucky we were and how easily it could have turned out differently. Cancer pulled the rug out from our assumptions and makes the ground we walk on that much more slippery.

I don't have a clear vision right now. Life is good but it is still unsettled.

And in the end...

In the end we did it all. We sold the house. I became a Lieutenant. Michie finished radiation and beat cancer into submission. We moved all our belongings across town. It was such a long lists of thing to accomplish this year but it is done.

Now? Now, we just sit back and let all our hard work, work for us.

But of course, I know it is never that simple. I know life will throw other curve balls as us over the years to come.
But isn't it a good feeling to not have any know curve balls aimed in my direction. Doesn't it feel great to embrace all these accomplishments and absorb them into my being.
I am feeling proud of myself because I have managed one of the most difficult times in my blessed life and made it out to the other side...better and stronger.

Vote for Hope!

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