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What do I really mean? What do I really believe about God...about the Divine. I don't know. Honestly, I don't know. I have always questioned the authority that seems implicit in god's word. I would underline the verses in the bible that were sexist. I didn't like to say the word "god" in the Pledge of Allegiance. But I loved the bible's stories, and read the entire New Testament at the age of 10. I had my mother teach me the Lord's prayer and memorized it on my own. I sang in the church choir every Sunday for several years. I loved playing the organ with the organist's daughter after everyone had left the sanctuary. In high school I secretly believed that I could find god in the music of Mozart.
My family was a fluid mix of post-evangelical Christian, Quaker, Presbyterian, agnostic parents: Christian relatives on both sides of the family that I imagine prayed for my queer soul. Christians who have thought I was just fine the way I am. I have judged and been judged by religions: I have seen the Mormons next store beat their kids and make their 13 year old pregnant daughter have a child. I lost my relationship with a cousin for over a decade due to a difference of opinion over having his son be the ring bearer in our wedding. I have heard so much hate speech about who I must be because I am a lesbian. I have watched how much damage, war, and death religions can cause.
At the same time, I have witness the greatest kindness from deeply religious individuals. I have see the Catholic husband nurse his wife who was dying of AIDS with such open hearted care and compassion. I have witnessed a Jewish family leap into a level of faith that I have never personally know, while embracing their beautiful daughter who was with them for only a few months. I have had old ladies tell me they are "blessed in the name of the Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen" and I have believed them. I have had opportunity to heal a wounded relationship with a cousin who doesn't believe that I should be married to the love of my life. We are very different, but we are willing to love each other despite those difference. But now I just don't know where I fit in with religion or even with what I actually believe about god.
I do believe in Love. I do believe that we are all connected in ways we can't see but often can feel. I believe that prayer is often good, but I don't know why, or even what it means when someone says they are praying for you. I know it is kind and that is good.
I do believe that the human spirit is the most powerful and amazing thing... I do believe that we get back what we give.... I do pray in this life to not judged or be judgmental towards others , but can only control the later. I don't know if this is God or just how I see the world. I don't know...
My family was a fluid mix of post-evangelical Christian, Quaker, Presbyterian, agnostic parents: Christian relatives on both sides of the family that I imagine prayed for my queer soul. Christians who have thought I was just fine the way I am. I have judged and been judged by religions: I have seen the Mormons next store beat their kids and make their 13 year old pregnant daughter have a child. I lost my relationship with a cousin for over a decade due to a difference of opinion over having his son be the ring bearer in our wedding. I have heard so much hate speech about who I must be because I am a lesbian. I have watched how much damage, war, and death religions can cause.
At the same time, I have witness the greatest kindness from deeply religious individuals. I have see the Catholic husband nurse his wife who was dying of AIDS with such open hearted care and compassion. I have witnessed a Jewish family leap into a level of faith that I have never personally know, while embracing their beautiful daughter who was with them for only a few months. I have had old ladies tell me they are "blessed in the name of the Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen" and I have believed them. I have had opportunity to heal a wounded relationship with a cousin who doesn't believe that I should be married to the love of my life. We are very different, but we are willing to love each other despite those difference. But now I just don't know where I fit in with religion or even with what I actually believe about god.
I do believe in Love. I do believe that we are all connected in ways we can't see but often can feel. I believe that prayer is often good, but I don't know why, or even what it means when someone says they are praying for you. I know it is kind and that is good.
I do believe that the human spirit is the most powerful and amazing thing... I do believe that we get back what we give.... I do pray in this life to not judged or be judgmental towards others , but can only control the later. I don't know if this is God or just how I see the world. I don't know...
