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This morning Max noticed that I was wearing a NYFD shirt that said "All gave some, Some gave all" on the back. He asked me about it and I said that it was a fund raiser for the firefighters after Sept 11.He said, "Oh, to help the families of the people who worked in the buildings?" I said, carefully, "No, to help the families of the firefighters who were killed in the attacks". His face dropped while he thought for a moment. " I didn't know any firefighters were killed. I didn't know that a firefighter ever got killed in a fire.", he whispered.
Sigh. Maybe we have protected him too much. Max was two when the attacks happened and we didn't show him any of the footage or talk about it around him. As a child with two Moms in the fire service, we have been discrete about line of duty death or injury. We have not talked about friends who have been burned or died while doing this job. There are some things that we didn't want in his heart.
When he got a bit older, I did tell him what happened in 2001, mostly as a way to explain how our President used the attacks as an excuse to start the Iraq war. But I never mentioned that 343 firefighters were killed on that day.
It is hard enough to explain the homeless man on the street to our children. So how do you explain acts of evil, tragedy and genocide?
This conversation continued spiraling around. It was a freight train barreling through my kitchen. We discussed the Iraqi war and soldiers, and how in fact many of the soldiers are undoubtedly doing good deeds in Iraq. Then we got onto Hitler and the genocide. I started to talk about those who tried to help the Jews, all in an effort to help him understand how complex these things are. We discussed that rarely were times all good or all bad. That things are complicated in life. There are righteous acts in the midst of times no one should have to live through.
Max's mind was engaged! The questions just kept pouring out about war, soldiers, the attacks, Hitler's genocide. We went every where, except back to Sept 11th. He didn't ask how many firefighters died. I didn't tell him. I figure that question will come when he is ready for the answer.
2 comments:
How engaging. I almost felt like I was in the other room, listening in.
It's a challenging topic and one even most adults can not get their mind around.
In my reflections I think if one can remove judgement values of right/wrong, good/bad, "dark" is just a state of potential. It's just the absence of light or the potential waiting for the light. The only way to make a room dark is to remove light. But light into a room immediately transforms the dark. Dark can not transform light in the same way. I think of "evil" in similar ways - its almost like its presence calls for the "good" to come into the room and make itself more known, more present. It is a state of potential.
I can't wait to chat with Max as an adult. Hope I'm not senile by then!
Wow... all you can do is answer honestly, huh? Well done. Max is clearly as bright as his Moms.
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