What Feels Safe

When Max turned two his Mima (grandma) bought him a loft bed. He was very little, so for the first few years he slept on his mattress on the floor. I set up drapes over the front and made the space under the bed into a little cave for him to snuggle in. When he got older, he moved up and slept on top. He liked being high and the novelty of it. I had mixed feelings. I missed being able to easily stand over him and watch his little body rest. I was also glad to have more room for his toys and books which were now stored underneath the bed.

Ahh... but things change. Last week, Max decided that he no longer wanted to sleep on the top of his loft bed. He declared that it didn't feel right and he wanted to be on the floor. He couldn't explain why things changed for him, but they did. We pulled out our little futon and he slept there. At first, I was a little annoyed. It didn't work to have him spread out in the middle of the room. But last night, I decided the embrace his desire and help him. I moved the mattress back down onto the floor under his bed. I created a library in the sky for my son who is now a confirmed bibliophile. He has a reading light, a little flat table and a floor rocker chair that I puzzled into the top bunk. His favorite books now line the foot of the bed. He can nestle up top and read free of the traffic and clutter of his room.

He loved it. We ended the evening by reading together in his new library. Max finished his first 510 page book and the accomplishment of finishing his first novel and his new reading space happily coincided. When he was done, he climbed down and curled up underneath and slept well. As it turns out, I love being able to check on him. I love looking down upon my handsome, loudly snoring son who knows exactly what he needs.

Who knows what makes us feel safe at any given time. Sometimes we can't even articulate why things don't feel right. Max knew what was right for him and it reminded me that we should all pay attention to what feels right in our lives.